Erotica By Helen E. H. Madden

Sunday, October 14, 2007

When Writing Erotica, Please Don't Forget...

For all you writers out there, here's a request. When writing erotica, please don't forget to include the erotic material.

Maybe I'm just being snarky, but I recently read "Sabine" by A.P. The quotes on the back cover stated that this book was supposed to be a really sexy read. In fact, one quote (by Reveal, whoever the heck they are) proclaimed the book to be, "Provacative... deemed so scandalous by its author that she refused to put her name to it. But despite its lusty content, the real shock is the scary secret unearthed toward the end. Spooky!"

Obviously the folks at Reveal don't get out much.

I bought "Sabine" based on the back cover blurbs and the artwork on the front, a chopped head-shot of a nifty fifties-style B-movie babe with fangs. I paid $12 for this book, and I was really hoping to get something damned sexy for that amount. What I got was a tired cliché of vampires who don't know they're vampires with barely any mention of sex. I have no idea what the author - A.P. - found so scandalous about the book that she had to hide her true name. Honestly, the damned thing nearly put me to sleep. So the main characters are lesbians. Big deal. You want hot lesbian erotica? Read anything by TreSart L. Sioux. Tre knows hot to write a hot story, and I guarantee the sex in it will curl your hair. Plus, she's a real horror fiend, so if you visit her website you're bound to find more goodies there. But "Sabine" by A.P.? Sorry, neither erotic nor horrific (except for the price I paid -- that was scary).

So please, if you're going to write erotica, be sure to include what's erotic in the story. Not just two characters doing a lot of misty-eyed angsting from across the room at each other. Give me some heat! Show me the characters in a state of arousal. Seduce me with their desire, and make me want them as badly as they want each other. They don't actually have to do the dirty deed. In fact, sometimes it's better if they're left wanting. Hot and bothered really does work in erotica. But please, please, please, don't just label your two main characters as lesbians and expect me to find that hot. That's just sheer laziness on the part of the writer.

Writing erotica is like making love. You have to seduce the reader, and it takes work. You really have to want to turn your reader on. Otherwise, switch to writing something else. Or else don't bother writing at all. I wish someone had given that advice to A.P. Then I'd still have my $12 to spend on something really sexy.

Labels: Rant, Reading, Writing tips

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

You Gotta Be Kidding Me - Age of Love TV Series

I would like to think that any woman who has made it to her forties would have enough self-respect, enough strength of personality, and enough intelligence to know better than to participate in something like this crap:

Age of Love Television Series On NBC

Seven women in their forties compete against six women in their twenties for the affections of an Australian tennis susperstar. What's wrong with these people? First off, why for love of Pete do 13 women need to vie any guy's attention? Does his money really make him all that attractive? Second, how real is his affection going to be for the so-called winner of this show? Third, why should the ages of these women make a difference? The only difference I would think age would make would be that the older women, having more experience, would have more common sense than to get involved in garbage like this. And that's what this show is. It's garbage, complete tripe, aimed at amusing some moron who thinks it's funny to watch a bunch of women catfight over one stupid tennis star.

Why do television studios put women through this? Wasn't the Bachelor bad enough? Or even Joe Millionaire? Are TV execs really so insecure that they have to keep degrading women to make themselves feel better? Are there really women out there who are so foolish and empty-headed that they think participating in a "reality" show like this will somehow make their lives better? Make them famous or rich, even?

Please dear god, let this just be a bad dream. I'm going to pinch myself to wake up, and when I wake up, this "news" will be nothing more than a figment of my subconscious brought on by eating one too many Godiva chocolates.

Ouch! That hurt. What? Damn, the news is still there. I guess there are women dumb enough to play along with this bullshit. Sad, ain't it?

Labels: Rant, Sexual Stereotypes, You Gotta Be Kidding Me

Monday, June 18, 2007

In The News - Women Like Porn. Go Figure...

I saw this and all I can do is shake my head...

Sex toys and porn on her terms

I had various thoughts on the article. First off, it is very stupid to arrest a woman armed with a dildo, because she probably knows how to use it and will no doubt put the arresting officer to shame if he dares try to cuff her.

Second, women do not "giggle" at sex toy parties. I know because I've been to a few, and they are some of the raunchiest parties I've ever enjoyed. You see for yourself what happens when you get together a bunch of grown women, all liquored up, and hand out a few giant purple silicone dicks for them to pass around. Nobody is going to be giggling, trust me, but at least one woman will hop on that gargantuan shlong and pretend to ride it like a broncing buck, all the while yelling something like, "Yee-haw! Tie 'em to the bed and ride 'em till they're dead!"

Third, no shit do women "hunger" for sex toys and porn. Guys have been getting theirs for years, and we know it and now we want ours. Yes, we like to see dirty pictures, because guess what, we are visual creatures too (unless we're blind) and we get turned on by visual imagery. Care to argue differently? Then tell me why Madison Avenue and the main stream media constantly shove images in our face of what we're supposed to look like? If we didn't process information visually, all those pics of stick figure super-models wearing the latest over-priced fashions would in no way influence the way we dress, shop, or eat. But we do process info visually, and not just info on fashion or body image. We can also process info on naked men, naked women with naked men, naked women with naked women, and even naked men with naked men (ever heard of yaoi?).

So yeah, we get visual imagery. As for wanting sex toys? Well we like having orgasms too, and why should we have to wait for a man to come along and give us one when we can make one ourselves with a little help from a pocket rocket or a rabbit vibrator? Although hey, we could just use our own two hands...

Labels: In The News, Porn, Rant, Sex Toys, Sexual Stereotypes